The Last Content Space Marine

I just found this little nugget of truth while bimbling around online. If anyone knows where it came from, please let me know so I can credit accordingly.

Computer games are corrupting our kids. They are, without a doubt, the greatest threat and menace to our youth since Ozzy Osborne. Their vile, insidious tendrils have reached into the minds of millions of children the world over, molesting and twisting them with a dazzling array of dangerous precedents and ideas. Make no mistake, videogames will result in the downfall of our society by corrupting the next generation, and when the time comes for them to take their roles as a part of a society, that vile influence will spill out beyond the confines of lounges and junk food stained bedrooms. I therefore dedicate this piece to exploring some of the more dangerous and deadly aspects of video gaming, and the horrible insanity it can, and will visit upon you, your children, and our culture as a whole.

1. Violence.
All videogames, and I mean every single one of them, are violent, blood soaked gore fests. They show violence in a sickening, three dimensional, pixel perfect, 100% anatomically accurate way. As if the presence of these images corrupting our children was not bad enough, every videogame also encourages violent thought, rewarding your child for their feats of murder and carnage. Even fantasy games like ‘Deus Ex’ have a cast of characters constantly exhorting your child to greater and greater acts of violence, with no thought to innocent life or the role of the character they are controlling.

Games like ‘Bulletstorm’ accurately depict the horrors and brutality of warfare with complete, total accuracy, and yet unlike hundreds of films and movies which treat people getting injured and maimed with respect, like the critically acclaimed Die Hard movies, Bulletstorm trivialises human suffering by awarding the player points for gruesome kills. Many games also use snappy one liners, adding humour to what should be a very serious example of pain and suffering.

Unlike in films, our children are not taught that this violence is unacceptable, they are taught it is a source of entertainment. If this is not the most all pervasive example of the trivialization and glorification of human suffering that has ever been shown on a TV screen, well, then gosh by darn, I am not a patriotic Antractican.

2. Dangerous ideology.
I know you are still reeling from the shock and horror that your little progeny is being actively encouraged to kill and steal, but believe me when I say that the violence inherent in videogames is the least of your worries. The true danger, the threat to society comes from a secretive cabal of videogames, a little known genre known by the seemingly innocuous name of RPGs.

Of course, it is no coincidence that ‘Role Playing Game’ shares an acronym with ‘Rocket Propelled Grenade’- as these deadly weapons- which have never been depicted inaccurately before, can be found in every single video game, reinforcing the idea that your child can use them to create a huge amount of damage.

But the insidious nature of these ‘Role Playing Games’ is far less obvious than that blatant attempt to instil the idea of explosives in our children.

RPGs have their roots in the now infamous ‘Pen and Paper Role Playing Games’, a hobby which has never been outlawed owing to the corrupt, wet handed politics of the liberal agenda. Research has shown conclusively that these games cause great mental distress and pain to those who play them*, and break down a person’s ability to comprehend reality and fantasy far more thoroughly than any drug, even including that dreaded, silent killer, bane of inner city slums and tenements the world over- the most dangerous drug in the world- Cannabis. This concept was fully explored in the cinematic master piece, ‘Mazes and Monsters’, which was sadly based on a true story.

*It’s true. Just ask any GM who ever tried to plan a session in detail.

Thousands of people lost their lives to ‘Pen and Paper RPGs’, and thousands more died as innocent victims- murdered by frenzied young men and women who thought they were Gnomish Barbarians.

The spirit of these games has now reached the all encompassing medium of the videogame, and their ability to distort and destroy a person’s perceptions of reality remain as strong as ever- stronger even thanks to hyper realistic, perfectly executed graphics that show your children women’s cleavage in absolute, perfect anatomical detail. These games are porn for your children.

But without a doubt, the most dangerous part of these RPGs lays in the ‘story’ and ‘moral’. As callous as it may make me sound, a murderer can only harm so many people. RPGs will result in the break down and destruction of our society as many of them, such as the horrifically titled ‘Dragon Age: Origins’ (The dragon eluding at the same time to children’s fairy tales as well as scenes of violence and gore, corrupting the wholesome, Christian bed time stories you read them), depict a society with elements drawn from our own. This would be merely insulting, where it not for the fact that the game then proceeds to give your child the option to disregard our norms and values, and pursue their own moral code, making decisions and challenging the way that the society thinks. And as we know, anything that children see in a videogame, they are 100% certain to copy in real life, meaning that your child may start to question why they should obey certain laws and norms, and undermine the authority of our leaders by challenging their decisions and demanding they justify them.

Your child may even answer you back.

What happens when such a mindset inevitably acquires a position of power? It will make all the liberals in the world pale in comparison as they demand change, as they act on their own interpretation of situations instead of following the rules and instructions which keep us in an ordered society. There will be anarchy, chaos and destruction the world over.

We should be fighting all the way to ban this terrible menace to our society, before the culture we know and love becomes a phantom.

3. Videogames make your child stupid and introvert.

As a good, productive member of society, you know that the most handsome, popular and intelligent people all play sports for recreation. Research has shown conclusively that people who play sports are 100% more likely to get better jobs, earn more money and be more successful in life than people who play with computers. Sports heroes built our great culture and everything in it- no one who enjoys videogames and computers ever achieved anything worthy of note in our society.

This is because videogames make your child stupid.

Game series like Battlefield, Gears of War and Team Fortress are often said to improve a person’s ability to work in a team, as players who work together are far more effective. But as a good, well informed citizen, you know that simply clicking a mouse and jabbing a keyboard, or playing with one of those little game pad thingies (which encourages masturbation), simply doesn’t create a team. You are not working together unless you can see the person and interact with them directly. Science has proven this. If the team activity doesn’t involve balls (real balls mind you, not ‘digital’ balls or ‘virtual’ balls), then it is not conducive to working in a team. These games have no balls.

And then, even worse there are some ‘gamers’ (not the pronunciation of this is gay-mers, thus encouraging your child to make the choice to be homosexual and turn their back on God’s great teachings), who claim that ‘single player’ games (playing with yourself, again eluding to masturbation) can also be good for the mind! They hold up games like ‘Portal’ and ‘The Ball’, and claim that their puzzle orientated nature encourages three dimensional thinking and problem solving, providing intellectual stimulation and reward. Of course, these puzzles are tackled maybe once every hour in between your child murdering whole families of innocents. Portal 2 for example, has your child playing as a mercenary, killing people in Africa (most of who are black, clearly encouraging racist behaviour which is not acceptable when so overt).

This is of course, complete tosh. We all know that the only way to improve your mental agility is to read books, spend thousands on your education and to do the cross word in the Daily Mail. Science has proven 100% that these things improve brain power, so if 100% of brain power comes from them, how can anything else make you smarter? Videogames will make your child more stupider as they waste time that could be spent learning on pointless videogames.

4. These games are aimed at your child.
In our great, perfect, flawless culture, the paragon of virtue that has never started an unjust war, never encouraged or abided persecution, or venerated hypocrisy, we occasionally create media that is unsuitable for children. The reasons for this vary, they may deal with adult themes, such as wooing a prospective lover, courting them, getting married and then hint at the possibility of strictly missionary, purely reproductive sex, or contain subtext that would drive a child mad with its complexity (such as Tommy Wiseau’s operatic masterpiece, ‘The Room’).

Understand that we have a rating system which ensures that children do not experience these things which look at reality. And now be aware that no such system exists for the evils of Videogames. Oh your child may be stopped from buying the latest Hellraiser on Blu-Ray, but there is nothing to stop your child from purchasing a copy of the gore drenched game ‘Mortal Kombat’ (Note the use of the K instead of the C, an example of gamers subverting language to their own ends, just like in the novel ‘1984’).

There can be no greater testament to the sick people who create these videogames that they would make a media form that allows children to skin their victims, or saw them up with a chainsaw. I have never Saw such violence anywhere else.

And remember- Videogames are for children, only children play them. An age certification shouldn’t be needed for them, and we should look at the Australian model as a shining example of how Videogames should be managed. 100% of all videogames in Australia are totally free of gore and violence, meaning they are suitable for their audience (or at least as suitable as this menace can be), and thus no controls over who can buy them are required.

5. Conclusions.
So, thank you for staying with me through this piece, I can appreciate that it was very long, but now you are far better educated about this dangerous threat, thanks to me- someone who knows more about this than you. I’ve never played a videogame in my life, so I’m free of their corruption, and thus able to look at them completely objectively, making me the only reliable source you have. Remember, keep your child safe from this menace- destroy all videogames today!


I'd intended to post this on April 1st, but sadly I've been too ill. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.

What follows is a piece I wrote as part of the 30 day videogame challenge on facebook. For day 6, the question was most anoying videogame character ever. I chose almost every woman in every videogame, with a special emphasis on JRPGs.

Warning. What follows is a stream of thought piece. It has been unedited and as such may be hard to read.



As anyone who knows me can tell you, I'm not much of an activist. I have a few areas I focus on, but women's rights aren’t one of them. Allegra taught me a fair bit though and it is an interesting field, it's just not something I've taken an overt active interest in. However, the presentation of women in games (and often in JRPGs) is often nothing short of utterly disgusting, often to the detriment of the game itself. Often these characters are so bad they actually effect my enjoyment of the game, as well as being demeaning.



I think the game that best exemplifies this trend is Star Ocean: The Last Hope. A good game mechanically and visually, but totally failing in every other way. As for the characters, well to be fair they were all terrible, the only exception being the lead, Rush, who actually develops and grows in some interesting ways. Now the female characters. You have Mrs ‘obviously sexually attracted to you but too scared to do anything about it, even though she’s already demonstrated she has the guts to fight legions of monsters from beyond space and time, but clearly the sight of a man brings her to her knees’ (I can’t remember her name as she was so utterly bland), Meracle, a pre teen, insufferably squeaky and happy cat girl who’s single defining character trait is a fondness for chicken and an outfit so tight that it, quite literally leaves nothing to the imagination. We’re in camel toe territory here- on a pre teen girl of all things. Oh, and there’s a scene where she is ‘in heat’ too. I kid you not that after that sequence I needed to turn off my xbox for a while, go downstairs and knock back some gin. Oh, and the busty seductress mage whose sole purpose is to be busty and seductive, and sometimes bend forwards for cleavage shots. There’s an angel girl who is so utterly stupid she quite literally can’t hold a conversation with you- I’m not joking here either, this character is so stupid that she forgets what she was saying 5 seconds ago. And that’s it. There’s a little girl called Lymyle (I think) who was also nothing short of annoying, but that’s more to do with writing a bad child, rather than writing a bad woman. This game’s characters where so bad, I never completed it. I paid £40 for it, and it was less painful to just trade it in.



Now to be fair, Star Ocean: The Last Hope is the very worst game I have ever played with regards to the presentation of women. Much to my enduring shame in my teenage years I played some of those Japanese interactive hentai novels, and I am including those when I make that statement. At least those girls actually had some character traits beyond the stereotypes. Picked yourself up off the floor from laughing at me yet? Good, now let’s get back to the serious stuff. The reason I use Star Ocean as an example is because these female characters are quite literally the archetypes for every woman in videogames, bar one, which we will get to in a moment. First though, I want to classify these stereotypes. They typically appear in JRPGs, but mutated version can appear in other genres:

The Ditz- Provides comedy relief because she’s just so stupid or naive she can’t do anything right. Rarely if ever develops beyond that role. Usually deliriously happy for no reason, and believes that love kindness and sharing will win the day. Occasionally turns out to be the ultimate hero and saves the day at the last minute, as if that makes up for the previous fifty hours of torment. If voice acted, will almost always have an insufferable, usually weak voice (Fina SoA, Yuna FFX, Sarah SO:TLH, Merril DA2.) It is debatable if Tidus also falls into this category.

The Best Friend- This character may turn out okay, as you typically start the game with them and they have plenty of time to develop. It typically depends on if they turn into a love interest. If so, abandon all hope as they will be used for stilted, awkward comedy relief and be hopelessly reliant on the (always) male lead for support. If not, you might get some interesting development out of the two as (if) their friendship is analysed (Tifa FFVII, Aika SoA, Quistis FFVIII. Reimi, SO:TLH)



The Cougar- Sexy, seductive older woman, typically with bristols the size of Bournemouth that are as perky as a merecat on a cocaine rush. If she’s lucky, will tease the male lead about his sexuality (despite him often being less than half her age) and/or walk around with an air of confidence and authority. Sadly, more often than not these character trait will never be used as the designers are too busy trying to work out how to get cleavage shots in. Revelaing outfits are a MUST. (Lulu FFX, Fran FFXII, Myuria SO:TLH)



The Bad Girl- Main villain. Either drop dead gorgeous or utterly grotesque. Drop dead gorgeous ones MAY be possessed/under control/manipulated. Grotesque women are always villains. Always. These characters also establish the greater theory of body fat against evil- I.E the fatter a woman is, the more likely she is to be evil. Seriously, I challenge you to name five heroic female videogame characters who where even a little chubby. Boobfat doesn’t count. This is also an example of Boolean logic as in videogame land, all women are either stick figures, or sumo wrestlers. You never find a woman of standard body type. Finally, in any group of villains if there is a woman, she will be the one who is incompetent. (Edea FFVIII, Nabaat FFXIII, Elena FFVII)



The WTF Where you thinking?- So offensive and missing the point it’s unbelievable. Samus MoM.



The final archetype is what I like to call, ‘the compensator’. This is where writers think they are writing a strong, potent female character, but are just conforming to another stereotype. This character doesn’t need a man, to the point where she will usually inflict harm on any guy who so much as asks how she’s doing, mow down legions of enemies and be an unstoppable badass. That’s fine as a base, but at the end of the day, you’re still just writing another stereotype instead of an ACTUAL CHARACTER. Lightning from FFXIII is possibly the best example I have ever seen. She has the brains and emotional maturity of an ox, but hey! She’s an empowered woman because she kicks ass! No, she isn’t, she’s a bland two dimensional character with no originality or thought whatsoever.



I once asked Allegra if she thought that femshep in Mass Effect was a good example of a woman in video gaming, and if the fact her dialogue and interactions were almost totally unchanged from manshep’s worked for, or against her. Allegra’s answer confirmed a suspicion I’d had for a while. I’m paraphrasing but her answer was something like this: “Yes, it’s very important as it means she’s been written as a character who happens to be a woman, as opposed to a female character.” (No doubt Allegra will correct me if I am wrong in this). And that, in a nutshell is what’s wrong with ‘the compensator’- it’s an attempt to create an empowered woman as opposed to simply writing a strong character and worrying about if they have boobs or not afterwards. Women have weaknesses just like men- you can force a female character to rely on help, or have them show weakness, as such plot points often make for excellent characterization- just ensure that they are NOT brought about BECUASE the character is female- in just the same way you wouldn’t write a male character into showing weakness just because he’s got a dick.



Of course, there are exceptions to this and I know of a few games that tackle the issues of sexism quite well, but if you’re going down that road, be prepared to invest plenty of time in it and don’t use it as a throwaway plot device. Certain areas of storytelling are sensitive, and are no go zones unless you’re prepared to handle them in a mature manner, and actually analyse them. I personally don’t think sexism is quite as touchy as other areas (rape, paedophilia e.t.c), but at the same time you can’t justify using it as a throwaway plot point just because it’s not as bad as other things you could be using.



Now, I was careful in my opening statement to say ALMOST every woman in videogames, with an EMPHASIS on JRPGs. There are some exceptions. The most recent I found was Fang in FFXIII- a strong character for the most part, able to hold her own both socially and in combat, but still human and suffering from occasional weaknesses and problems. She had buttons that could be pushed, and indeed her own weakness plays an important part in the endgame, but she still manages to save the day. At least I think it was her, it was hard to tell in that convoluted, tangled mess of a story. Tales of Vesperia also had some strong female characters, but you can easily see which of the archetypes the characters where supposed to fit into- but thankfully through skillfull editing, localization and some very talented voice actresses, they managed to break out of the moulds- mostly. Aika in SoA was also an excellent example of character first, woman second.



I find that outside JRPGs, the problem isn’t quite as bad, western devs have a stronger idea of what they’re doing, for the most part anyway, and they certainly didn’t get there without travelling down a very bumpy leisuresuitlarry road. Even then though, progress outside of the RPG genre has been... slow. In DA2 I found a character who, by almost all rights should be considered nothing more than a ‘compensator’, but after a while it became apparent that Isobela was actually a very good character, and hugely entertaining too. Strange as if you break it down she’s just a compensator crossed with a cougar.



Which brings me neatly to my closing point. It’s arguable that, in much the same vein as ther are only so many stories you can tell, there are only so many characters that you can have. As such any character, male or female will always fall into certain roles. This is a perfectly valid point, at least it would be where it not for the fact it’s used as an excuse for laziness. There is nothing wrong with starting your character off as one of these stereotypes. But here’s the rub- people change. Videogames typically revolve around extraordinary stories, saving the world, surviving great hardships, quests for revenge, love, loss and the realization and destruction of dreams. People change when they go through these things, and if there was one thing sealed my opinion on the presentation of women in videogames it would be the fact that often, male characters DO change and grow, and female characters do not- they remain the archetype they started out as. And to cap it off, you can also create a list of male archetypes, much like I have done for women above that female characters will rarely, if ever appear in. Related to this, how often do you see male characters in the archetypes above? Finally, you can also get away with having people stay in these archetypes, but you need to explore why as a substitute for development. Let’s take a look at a male character in this case- Cloud from FFVII. Cloud was about as boring and 2d as they come, but as you play though the game, the reasons why he is like he is become apparent. It’s a defence mechanism against others and himself so he can avoid facing the truth he’s buried so deeply- that he’s a failure and a fraud. The man has deep seated psychological problems that keep him introverted and stoic- which manifests as him having the personality of a cup of service station coffee. He’s a prime example of the stoic, angsty silent hero, but as we play the game it’s established WHY he is like he is- and I don’t think any of the characters I’ve listed above have ever had any justification for why they’ve been forced into such lazy, borderline offensive roles.



What Bioware did with Isobella in DA2 was to have her start as a cougar/compensator archetype, but then allowed her to grow out and develop from that role. Even more importantly, she began ‘comfortably’ in that mode. He dialogue was not forced or contrived, her actions, while extremely sexual and highly aggressive felt organic- this was a character who revelled in sex and violence, who happened to be a woman. Her role as a pair of tits and knives to ogle was secondary. Compare this to Lulu in FFX who had about twenty lines of dialogue, and breasts that where almost always the focus of ANY shot featuring her. Seriously, her victory animation in battles was just to LEAN FORWARDS.



So yeah, my submission for the gaming 30 day challenge, day 6 is women in videogames, especially JRPGs. If they’re not being hammered into shitty archetypes, they’re being hyper sexualized to the point of sadness. Much like the ongoing march of women’s rights in general, progress is slowly being made, but there remain a ways to go.



Maybe one day a game will follow Ultima 3 and even let you play as someone of ‘unconventional’ gender. Oh, and the first person to mention Kainé with regard to that gets a stick in the eye.

Wow. It’s been a very long time since my last post. You’ll need to forgive me I’m afraid, I’ve been going through a rough patch, so this blog as been fairly low on my priority list. Still, hopefully, I’m now back, so huzzah!

There’s nothing really special about gaming that I want to talk about specifically, instead I’m going to explain my new schedule. Simply put, I will be making at least one post of 500 words or more each week here, and I fully intend to make at least one video each week too. Given the shrinking size of my videogame collection owing to poor circumstances though, these may sometimes need to be riffs or rants as opposed to informative reviews. Sorry about that.

So, I’ll keep this one short and sweet, thanks for sticking with me, and here’s my review of Fight Night: Champion.

So, I made a bad decision. I guess I used up all my pot luck when I got my kinect. This post will be short and bitter as I am still stewing.

I decided to buy StarCraft II. Several people have now told me that the single player mode isn't a pile of horse shit and actually has some effort behind it. So I decided to buy it. Big. Fucking. Mistake.

Every half hour or so the client pops up with this wonderful little error message that reads “Your Download could not be authenticated. Start a new download.” And requires me to go to the Blizzard website, download a new instance of the same client, and then carry on where I left off- if I'm lucky. One time It just removed all the extra stuff I'd downloaded from that batch.

For a 7 gig file, this is beyond a joke. Oh and to add insult to injury, it's not even a download, it's a torrent.

So basically I can't even leave my PC running overnight to download this shit storm as every so often it just decides a whole new instance of the client needs to be installed.

Fan fucking-tastic.

My advice is simple. You want this game? Bbuy a hard copy. Don't be a sucker like I did and hand over £50 when they can't even make the installer work.

Anyone else having these problems or is it just me?

Update:
Now had to redownload the installer client 5 times.